Limbo
And, What
Noisy
Two buck chuck (the poem)
Enlightenment can kiss my ass
Impermanence
Bar
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Limbo
6/14/11
Lying around
on the couch
on the bed
watching videos
reading books
thinking
writing in my journal
eating
shitting
eating more
shitting more
drinking tea
peeing a lot
walking the dog twice a day
Something is happening
inside
not sure what
Been a few days now
still food in the refrigerator, although
the ice cream and beer are gone
Feeling lonely for a woman
unlikely to meet any in the living room
unless i go online, and
that hasn't worked out so well up to now
so
limbo
halfway between what was and what will be
walking the dog
seems to be what the universe wants me to be doing right now
-------------------------------------
And, what?
7/24/11
And what, after all, is it all for?
Travelling, staying home
working, resting
loving, hating
tiring, fulfilling
The whirlwind of experience
For some the dronage of boring routine
How many years do we get?
60,70,80,90?
if we're lucky
and what, after all, is it all for?
Some teachings call it illusion
It all feels pretty real to
ME
the big, capital
ME
getting a little tired of that, too
I want to rest my head
on a soft pillow
sleep for a long time,
when i wake up
I want to be cleansed
purified of my mistakes
misguided patterns of thought
destructive negative emotions
harmful actions
and maybe then i'll be happy
I think of anattapindika, the hindu murderer
who killed 999 people
cut off their fingers, wore them on a garland around his neck
and then, one day, miraculously
had a change of heart, and
became a true saint
filled with love and compassion
for all beings
I'm not that bad, in this life
if he could do it
i can do it
you can do it
too
Amin
---------------------------------------
Noisy
8/14
Out in nature, beautiful day
it's really noisy out here, because
my mind
won't
fucking shut up
----------------------------------
Two Buck Chuck (the poem)
That fancy french wine you used to drink
tonight it's two buck chuck
Those pricey organic strawberries from Whole Foods
tonight Safeway got your business
not much of it
mostly cigarettes and chips
You used to ride in your beamer
now you ride the bus
not with your ex-girlfriend
who's moved on to one of your ex-friends
who still has his money
for now
It was all great while it lasted
high times, really high, most of the time
crash, oops
There are a few compensations
That girl last week, who fucked you
just to get close
to the scent of money and success
She was impressed by what you had had
even if you didn't have it anymore
you have a lot of company
maybe you could get together a band
"the ex-big men"
So, there you sit on the couch
drinking cheap wine
watching a video
eating shitty food
your saving grace, a lack of bitterness
a lack of blame
you have taken responsibility
for your own fuckups
you can still
laugh
especially at yourself
------------------------------------
Enlightenment can kiss my ass
if enlightenment means
no more beer, no more ballgames
no more girlfriends, no more fun
Enlightenment can kiss my ass
If enlightenment means
acting so fucking holy all the time
spouting pious bullshit
wearing the same fucking boring clothes every day
Enlightenment can kiss my ass
and if enlightenment means
that i have to deny my animal self, my human self, my worldly self
well, what's the fucking point of being here, anyway?
Now, if enlightenment means
a little more self control
more sense of peace
better relationships, maybe even
better sex, well
you're starting to get my attention
and if enlightenment means
that i see the highest good in everyone
see the light in every being and thing
that i know myself as eternal spirit
that i see the perfection in everything
even suffering and death, well
sign me up
Who the fuck knows what enlightenment is?
Most of the people talking about it don't know shit
except what they read in some books
or heard from somebody else who didn't know shit
who had no real experience of what they were talking about
Probably the people who really are enlightened are just enjoying it
and don't feel the need to bug or preach to everybody else
There are so many ways to run away from our problems
as far as i can tell
most of the people sitting on their zafus or
stretching on their yoga mats
are just running away from their problems
that's a whole lot better than running away to
drugs, alcohol, sex, tv, but
we're here for a reason
at a certain point, we have to stop running
re-engage with the world
take whatever we've learned on our mats
and just get on with it
Amin
----------------------------------
Impermanence
The house is being remodelled
there are no walls, no doors, barely a floor
Front yard, back yard, piles of rubble and dust
slowly polluting the earth
Cardboard boxes, paper shopping bags of stuff
sitting on the patio for six months
in sun and rain
plates, knives, forks, cups, spoons, pots, pans
and all the rest of the kitchen
amazingly,not totally ruined
they may sit out there another six months
Workmen come, workmen go
The work stops and starts
when the owner gets a little more cash
to do another piece of the work
it may never get finished, if he loses his job
One piece of calm in this storm
the little hut in the backyard
formerly storage/guest room, now
all that's left
of this formerly presentable property
Mid life crisis made visible
all the facades of a man's life
gone
unable to hide anymore what's really inside
what sick emotions, old wounds, old anger
maybe it's good to see the truth
not be able to bullshit yourself
and the rest of the world
anymore
or maybe there's no deep, great significance
just another construction project with unexpected complications
just another snapshot of America
lots of external activity and dust and pollution
not so much inner work
tax laws and bank loans that encourage
all this chasing of the tail, but
it's not even fun
even a dog, chasing it's own tail, knows it's a game
maybe this is all a game
maybe my third eye just isn't open enough to see it
what bullshit
----------------------------
Bar
I was in a bar last night
having coffee with a friend
we couldn't find a coffee shop
it was a nice bar
friendly bartendresses
I liked the decorations
not having been in a bar for a while
because i haven't been drinking much
I was amazed at all the tempting
pretty, multi-colored
differently shaped, endless array of bottles
all of which disguised the one key ingredient
al-cohol
with which i have no gripe
still, it was amazing to me, to see, this whole establishment, all based on
people's desire to loosen up and connect with others
with the help of a little lubrication
a little lubrication that, while it numbs the body
can put one in touch with one's feelings
which often don't get felt much
so, my friend and i had a good time
the end
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