Monday, July 29, 2013

In the realm of hungry ghosts, a protest poem

IN THE REALM OF HUNGRY GHOSTS

In the realm of hungry ghosts
bellies the size of beach balls
throats the size of a small straw
never able to get enough
always wanting more

constantly remodeling their houses
buying bigger houses
newer cars
bigger TVs
the latest electronic toys,
cell phones, computers, and all the rest

always in their heads
their only sensations in their bodies
food and sex
otherwise, only pain
reminds them that they have
arms, legs, fingers, toes
and lots of skin

Success is not success
if it takes you away from
your birthright as a living being
to be fully alive in your body

A sociopathic, ecocidal society
where the only value put on the land
is to develop it
with constantly rising prices, where
even those who are not hungry ghosts
have to struggle just to survive
in the realm of hungry ghosts
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here's an older poem on the same themes

NAKED PAGAN

A naked pagan
dancing with the sky
i am alien in your world

Your houses, factories, TV sets
It is difficult for me to understand
how can you live this way?
but you do

I need trees, grass, sky
rushing rivers and willing consorts
fresh strawberries picked from the ground

You tell me of vaccines, hospitals
guaranteed food supply
heat in the winter

Yes, these are good things
when enjoyed properly
but why give up

the joy of feeling
the sun on your heart
the waves on your flesh
trances
the companionship of spirit

Why do you seem to lack
joy, contentment, fulfillment
serenity, and
integrity

You sell yourself to the highest bidder and
live in fear of not selling yourself
why can you not find a way to have it all?

If this technology is so wonderful
why are so many unhappy
sick at heart
filled with all manner of diseased emotions and
homeless in the streets

I don't understand

The gifts i offer
you think worthless

I offer the sand, the sea
compassion, and
deep feelings

What you want from me is to be a robot
For that i may earn enough to buy food and pay rent
since you have set a price on every inch of the earth
by what right do you control this land?

I don't understand
but, after all
I am only

A naked pagan

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Full Disclosure

God knows why i am writing this now and posting it, but anyway...

Somewhere, i believe in some past life, i lost the sense that i could count on anything on earth to last, and that's been the underlying substratum of my whole life. Money can be lost, people can die or just leave you, or almost worse, your feelings change, houses can  burn down, fame is fickle...

I"m 57: i don't have much income, no home of my own, no girlfriend, not much public recognition in my field of music (other than a person here or a person there).
But there have been times in my life when i did have a girlfriend, and often i was still unhappy.
Times i made money, often still unhappy
etc.
When i get into moods of "poor me", i remember those times, and i realize that what i am really looking for is a feeling of peace and joy, and seeking that feeling from external stimuli is ultimately fruitless, an up and down seesaw.

Not that i don't want home, girlfriend, money, success, i do, and at times acutely feel the lack. Not that i diminish the importance of having a happy and healthy physical life, i want those too, but what i really want is an unbreakable sense of happiness,  a sense of happiness that's not just the effect of and dependent on external causes, which are not reliable. Meditation and yoga are the things that have brought me the most peace and happiness, and they are not mutually exclusive with a happy human life.

I've had no real desire for kids or to own a home or a lot of stuff, and that has allowed me a lot of choice. I understand that doing karma yoga in the world, job and kids, householder, is a very valid path, which i may be entering on, but up to now my path has been to withdraw from the world, to keep myself as protected as possible, safe from the overstimulation and unrelenting busyness i see so many people caught up in, 1000 Facebook notifications/10 thousand emails/500 cell phone messages a day.
I've lived in tents a lot, probably a total of 4 and 1/2 years of my life, in Big Sur and Mt. Shasta and some other places, and i have to say that, generally speaking i sleep and feel better in nature, and my ideal situation was when i had full access to kitchen and indoors and had the tent as an extra bedroom, so i'm not totally a nature boy, i like some comforts. Still, while it's nice to have power and a refrigerator, it's just too easy to get sucked into hours each day on the computer, and i don't like all the EMFs of modern life.

What i really want is to truly feel myself as spirit incarnate, as tat tvam asi, as the hindu scriptures and the western teacher Joel Goldsmith, and so many others,  speak of. (go buy any book by Joel Goldsmith, they all say one thing). I can't say i've done that yet, but what i can say is that living a life with lots of free time, much of it in nature, relatively free of busyness and overstimulation, with as nearly constant mindfulness as i can manage, gives me occasional glimpses, and i'm at the point where it's time to re-enter the world and participate.

I've found so much truth in the saying "attitude is everything" and in the buddhist teachings, which basically amount to learning how to be happy and methods to accomplish that. I started out adulthood, like so many of us, as a wounded, damaged person. I've spent years healing, to the point where, despite my lack of externals, i don't feel wounded anymore. If i die tomorrow, it was time well spent, and, i want to fulfill my humanity and have a good human existence, and give something back, especially my music.

So, today, i got into the headspace of "i need this, i need that". Maybe i'm just writing this to remind myself of what i really need, maybe i'm writing this because it pains me to see people who are looking for peace and happiness from externals, and suffering much in the process, especially people i know. Maybe i just don't have enough wisdom yet to accept that.

So, i've written 700 songs, many of which nobody but me has heard, many of them not played in years.
I do Watsu and massage and energy work, i teach guitar, i can be very loving, nurturing and giving in relationship, and i am officially declaring that i am open for business as a human being, not a dis-embodied mind.
Amin

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Personal and political

Petsitting in the Bay Area for month of July. Just got back from 2 months in Cambria, Big Sur and Monterey, mostly camping. I sleep so well in a tent, away from a lot of electronics, especially in Big Sur. It's so somatically rich. Lying on the ground looking up at redwoods during the day, going to bed more or less with the sun at night.
On a physical level, the best i ever felt was when i lived at Harbin, my tent right by a stream, full use of kitchen and showers and hot springs, leave for the winter, come back in the spring. And, while somatically rich, there's more to life, and i've learned and grown so much since those days.
Even in Big Sur this trip, it was great, and after a while i needed more societal interactions. Maybe some day i'll be ready to go out to pasture, but not yet.
---------------
On this trip i met a lot of homeless people. Not down and out San Francisco types, just regular folks who had lost their job or place or had a health issue, and were trying the best they could to keep their heads up in the face of difficult circumstances. A number of them had a real sense of community.

What i saw, in political terms, was what a sham the American dream has become for people who don't have skills, especially computer skills, at least in California. To think that someone, starting from zero, can a) get a job in the first place, especially if they don't even have money to pay their cell phone, and b) even if they get a job, how can they get a place making minimum wage, $8/hr, and apartments are $800 month and up, not to mention utilities, etc., is a joke. Anybody who can add 2 + 2 can do the math, and it doesn't add up. These are the people i met.

Anybody who says "fine, go someplace else", well, where's the money to get there, knowing nobody, where to stay, etc. In short, not so simple.

For myself, i don't have a place of my own, mostly because i seem to travel endlessly, haven't had much money, but do have skills, prospects and practices, more of an old fashioned drifter, although today that distinction seems to be getting lost. To some extent i could relate to what these folks were going through, on the other hand i felt a bit above it all, even though at times my bank account was down to $120 and i did get a bit nervous, but i always have miracles in my life. I've learned to expect and count on them and this time was no exception.

Still, i do have a strong sense of "there, but for the grace of god, go i". Every time i think of getting a place, i look at the rents, and i see the effects on me personally of a system that encourages exploitation.   i have some advantages; educated, frugal, skills, good with money, white (let's tell the truth), strong spiritual grounding.
What about the people who don't have those going for them?
-----------------
So, personally, i'm in a great place petsitting, looking to get my own life together, and i expect i will... and i think about all the people who were pushed over the edge, they didn't fall over the edge, they were pushed, by a social/economic system that empowers greed and exploitation, an ethic of "i got mine, screw you", the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, I win, you lose, "the very thing that makes you rich makes me poor" (a song title from a Ry Cooder album)-------the greed of all the executives who downsized and moved jobs wherever they could pay desperate people almost nothing, just so they and the people at the top, the %.01 (it's really not 1%, it's the %.01 could add millions and tens of millions of dollars to their own pockets, while millions and tens of millions of blue collar folks lost everything. Sure, it's everybody's responsibility to make the best of whatever happens, and i don't deny that many people are just as much victims of themselves as of a corrupt and exploitive system, but i would at least like to see the system set up for average people, not just the smartest and most ambitious,  to live a decent life, and it all comes down to the basic values of individuals and the society collectively, the most basic one being compassion for everyone. Instead, America, to a large extent, at least the laws governing money, functions on dog eat dog, i win, you lose, tough shit.

Especially as someone who has followed my calling as an artist, rather than maximizing my income, i see how, despite cute PBS programs, the underlying pressures in the society are for people to sacrifice their integrity and their dreams to the necessity of making MONEY, wasting their lives as wage slaves, often in useless and ecologically destructive ways, and then i see how the people who do that so often seem stressed and unhappy, hardly enough time for themselves to pee.

I always struggle with the fact that, in metaphysical terms, i really do believe in divine justice and that it's all perfect, and the struggles are to learn from, but when i meet and hang out with people i like and have good conversations with, people who, on one level, are getting fucked over by the system, it's a lot harder for me to be so philosophical about it.
----------------------------

I add three links from Barbara Ehrenreich, who has written compellingly and beautifully on this topic
http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/thislandistheirland.htm
http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/nickelanddimed.htm
http://www.amazon.com/Fear-Falling-Inner-Middle-Class/dp/0060973331

some more links
David Cay Johnston Perfectly legal
http://harpers.org/archive/2008/05/numbers-racket
http://www.nationalmemo.com/wages-fall-at-record-pace

I've done other posts on this blog on similar topics, just check the politics tag.