For a number of years I've been visiting San Diego several times a year to visit family, usually staying anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months each visit. With the wandering lifestyle which i have been living for years, i get to stay places as long as i want, and here in SD my friend Tom has been a saint about letting me stay in his guest room or back cabin.
I don't drive, so it's very difficult for me to get out to many places: SD is so spread out, and the bus system isn't so great on nights and weekends. This means that i spend a lot of time around the house drinking tea, doing practices and processing all the stuff that comes up whenever i see my mother.
These are the poems i have written so far on this visit, also wrote 6 songs, but that's another story.
be well,
jay dancing bear
Internal Weather
My heart is a locked box
Condensed Light
This too shall pass
Awakening
Internal Weather
Internal Weather
Mental, Emotional, Physical, Spiritual
The forecast early today is for:
obsessive, fearful thoughts
often focussing on politics and the Environment
often as a result of reading the news on the Internet
but sometimes more personal
resulting in
raging emotional storms
often invisible to others
resulting in
upset stomach, back trouble
headaches, general weakness
and other problems
Later today, expect periods of calm
resulting from practices such as
meditation, qigong, yoga, forgiveness, affirmations
resulting in remission of symptoms
until the next storm breaks out
all the while, the Spirit, the Higher Self
waits for the clouds to part long enough
for the sufferer to realize that
the sun is always shining
the earth just turns away sometimes
we make our own weather
-------
My Heart is a locked box
My heart is a locked box
a box to which only you hold the key
if only i knew who you were
I have never met you, and so
I wait aimlessly
only half believing that you will ever come
-------
Condensed Light
The higher frequencies are hard to handle
the clarity, the energy, the feelings of aliveness
You would think that i would spend as much time as possible in them, but they feel uncomfortable to this
deadened, slogged down, fear filled, shame filled, guilt filled
walking corpse, which needs to squash down any feelings of clarity
which might cause it to feel some very deep,
unpleasant layers of feeling
am i being overdramatic?
or just telling the truth
the real reason that
so many people seem to deaden themselves
by every means possible
anything to not feel
the unbearably painful feelings buried deep within
but
like a moth drawn to a flame
no matter how much we numb ourselves
we are always drawn by the light to rise again
to fly, to soar, to go deeper and deeper
into the kingdom of light which is inevitably pulling all of us
by the force of its' magnetism, and the fact that
we all are, in the final analysis,
nothing but
condensed light
-------------
This Too Shall Pass
Ultimately everything becomes a memory
a photo
a line in a journal
a frozen moment in time
a dimly remembered feeling
The river of time just keeps flowing on and on
today's dreams
tomorrow's achievements
the day after tomorrow's recollections
maybe even a mention in a history book
so here we are i am
it's so important what happens to me us
it really is
kept in the perspective of
this too shall pass
-----------------------------------
Awakening
Awakening from a long dark dream, a dream
that has lasted lifetimes, a dream
that started when i got so hurt that
i turned bitter, cynical
a dream where everything i saw
by "saw" i mean all the conceptions and
interpretations I held in my mind
of what i "saw" in the "world" in "people" was
filtered through a dark cloud of smoke
of disappointment
especially disappointment in myself, and, by extension
because people are people and i am a person
disappointment in others
a focus on the negative, the selfish, the cruel
who needs newspapers or the evening news
to present their distorted, slanted litany of war, murder and greed
when i was carrying my own filter
which even the Buddha would have trouble being seen through
if he were here in person, rather than some distant ideal
Awakening to find that
there is suffering, and
there is joy, and
i have a choice, and
it takes work, and
anyone can do it
even me
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